ATTN: BEN

Aug 29th (10 months ago)

Posted by: +Ill

I’m going to take my own shot at wearing the ambassador pants here:

Ben,

It is quite clear that a joke can get old. In fact, I’d say it’s quite fair to assess that you’re as tired of our constant slamming and negativity as we are of Rock This Bitch. But if this is truly your final visit to the .org, I would hate it to purely be an amicable but ultimately negative break-up. It is difficult to explain, but as someone who i) spends way too much time here ii) is somewhat guilty of getting caught up in the schadenfreude; I would like to attempt it. There is a base of regulars on this website who seem to be incredibly in tune with each others’ sense of humour… and we have a particular taste for the dry. Over the years, a healthy dissatisfaction with your musical output (more on that later) has evolved to an elitist rabble of inside jokes and meta-sarcasm that really honestly must be quite offensive to you personally. The thing to be understood though is that we’ve moved on from Ben the person. It’s been a long time since we connected with Ben the person. At the moment our Ben isn’t you, it’s a caricature of a washed-up adult contemporary musician. We nitpick and we nitpick and we’ve turned you into an abstract figure of clumsiness, hopelessness and pratfalls. We love to see Sisyphus drop his stone to the bottom of the hill over and over again. But we’ve lost contact with Ben the person and forgotten that Ben IS a person and I don’t think many of us would disagree that we have gone too far in that respect… but only to the extent of it being taken at face-value. We push our jokes to the outrageous because we’re dealing with this abstract tragic-comic anti-hero.

But here’s the twist. Most of us… are bored. About two or three years ago we received a brief glimmer that an experimental, synth-based, upbeat album was in the works. Some of us got excited. Things happened. You made some ulterior career choices (which you are entirely entitled to) such as the various soundtracks, collaborations, symphony tours, the attempted cruise and so on. These are fine but they weren’t what we wanted. We wanted this album you whetted our appetites for. So with each detour we got more and more restless, and more careless with our jokes and yes, we had a lot of fun and embellishment on the way.

But at many, many different stops we threw in disclaimers. Some of us loved the EPs. Some of us loved Songs For Silverman. Some loved every track, some loved half the tracks, some didn’t like any of it – and fair enough, it was a different vein to your previous outputs. Some of us have defended you to death. But we were still bored and wanting. At many points I personally have stated that the moment you make this album we can all finally make up our minds and get this negative whirlpool dealt with. Well, the leaks came out and the opinions were divided. If you look around, though, we’ve heard the real leaks and a lot of us have that excitement back.

You say !gas!panic! seems an angry person and yes, it’s quite fair to say he’s got some very snarky moments. He also has some terribly insightful moments, some incredibly funny moments, and some intelligent and open-minded discussions. His opinions are his opinions though and between those and the negative joking around it is understandable to get an image of a website equivalent of an effigy. But truly, when you read between the lines you will see a bunch of bored, sarcastic people who take potshots at a caricature of someone they never really imagined would come online and take it all to heart. A lack of foresight, perhaps, a cruel misunderstanding, but ultimately a group of people who used to love your work and sometimes still do. Do you say some things both in seriousness and jest that we find comical or ripe for picking? Yes. But you know you’re the ‘clown’ and don’t even dream we want you to change. Do you sometimes justify things to yourself in interviews that the rest of us fail to buy? Yes. Everyone is capable of bullshitting once in a while. Do we get tired of certain levels of frat boy humour in your musical output? Yes. So what, maybe you’re not writing for us then. BUT do we sometimes genuinely laugh at something you’ve said, genuinely jump around to something you’ve recorded and genuinely agree with the things you say? Yes.

So to conclude my rather lengthy and perhaps pointless attempt at retort, I honestly would like to apologise on behalf of myself only (others can have their input) if we’ve blurred the lines between caricature and your private, personal life to a point beyond recognition and bastardized your every move. I hope the image you take away from this website will be a complete one and not just the negative.

Ill

maybe you could get twizzlers (makes mouths happy lol) and both start eating one end of it and OMG ITS TEH SAME TWIZZLER which leads to lips touching usually ~ drewmg said this

Aug 29th (10 months ago)

Posted by: +88 Kickin Keys

i agree with this posting

go read your jack karat, and fear and loathing poop literature

Aug 29th (10 months ago)

Posted by: midnightvulture

baby come back!

you can watch the peoples court and i'll be sucking dry titty

Aug 29th (10 months ago)

Posted by: Natiest

Ill, that's great!!!

I don't know if ben will read this, but if he does that's pretty much it.

I agree with you 100%

"Cracking toast Gromit!"

Aug 29th (10 months ago)

Posted by: Bob Dylan

philly i agree with you as well. well put.

hahahahhahahahahahahhahaha ahahaha ha ah haha ha ha LOL!!!!

But I Was Going to Toshi Station to Pick Up Some Power Converters!

Aug 29th (10 months ago)

Posted by: +Ill

He did mention he'd come back and check the "shit-storm" before taking his final bow.

maybe you could get twizzlers (makes mouths happy lol) and both start eating one end of it and OMG ITS TEH SAME TWIZZLER which leads to lips touching usually ~ drewmg said this

Aug 29th (10 months ago)

Posted by: +DrewMG

yeah, basically ill got it on the head.

this is my funny sig

Aug 29th (10 months ago)

Posted by: mrsjones

here here!

i just read that mormons like to speak in tongues and that is bad ass. or should i say bleekbladossa kalipomay tomustriques!-webb

Aug 29th (10 months ago)

Posted by: Art Vandelay

Well said!
Thank you, ill.

(oh, and Ben... if you are reading this, will you sing "The Luckiest" at my Wedding?)

I believe that's the needle breaking on the bullshit meter

Aug 29th (10 months ago)

Posted by: Willie

Nice work phil. Stated perfectly.

Aug 29th (10 months ago)

Posted by: Webb

Nice posting there, +Ill.

you're so cute, i love it, haha. what is that little hat you've got on?
-Fronk

Aug 29th (10 months ago)

Posted by: Taco_Sauce

paragraphs are your friend.

any1 who likes the stones more than the beach boys deserves deportation. especially if they are of hispanic descent. - grant

Aug 29th (10 months ago)

Posted by: Webb

Ben don't worry about Taco Sauce, he's a mexican. Plus he like Morissey. :-(

you're so cute, i love it, haha. what is that little hat you've got on?
-Fronk

Aug 29th (10 months ago)

Posted by: blackteeshirt

Don't listen to him, Ben! He's from Australia! :D

j/k, very well put.

"also, there was a whole foods market community area for enviromentalists, and i went up to the booth and took 3 clif bars to eat, instead of 1, and the guy told me i could only have one, and i said when he breathed the environment died, and he stopped" - multiballs

Aug 29th (10 months ago)

Posted by: Bob Dylan

hey ben, besides my question regarding the species of "emaline" i was hoping you could quell this nagging question i've had for a while now, are you the multiballs?

hahahahhahahahahahahhahaha ahahaha ha ah haha ha ha LOL!!!!

But I Was Going to Toshi Station to Pick Up Some Power Converters!

Aug 29th (10 months ago)

Posted by: caats19

yeah, basically ill got it on the head.

HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU HEARD THAT ONE ILL?? LOLOLOLOLOL. slash g'job.

No hard feelings to the benfolds.org unless that's what you want in which case you can all go smoke a ten foot dick? Is that in the spirit? God bless you all.
Love,
ben

Aug 29th (10 months ago)

Posted by: LoyalCow

This is awesome.

I am a Rock God

Aug 29th (10 months ago)

Posted by: Bob Dylan

ben, i made this for you, i hope you enjoy

http://youaresexy.ytmnd.com/

hahahahhahahahahahahhahaha ahahaha ha ah haha ha ha LOL!!!!

But I Was Going to Toshi Station to Pick Up Some Power Converters!

Aug 29th (10 months ago)

Posted by: kelbellene

(oh, and Ben... if you are reading this, will you sing "The Luckiest" at my Wedding?)

Stole my post.

I smell a Ben Folds Five Reunion in the works...But I'm not exactly complaining about Ben Fold's solo projects...What buckwildly jiggy talent!!!

Aug 29th (10 months ago)

Posted by: Taco_Sauce

that was to +Ill, Webb but it applies to ben too.

any1 who likes the stones more than the beach boys deserves deportation. especially if they are of hispanic descent. - grant

Aug 29th (10 months ago)

Posted by: Webb

Oh I know I just didn't want Ben thinking that on top of us being cubicle drones we were also grammar nazis.

you're so cute, i love it, haha. what is that little hat you've got on?
-Fronk

Aug 29th (10 months ago)

Posted by: +88 Kickin Keys

but... some of us are both :(

go read your jack karat, and fear and loathing poop literature

Aug 29th (10 months ago)

Posted by: Webb

*your

you're so cute, i love it, haha. what is that little hat you've got on?
-Fronk

Aug 29th (10 months ago)

Posted by: EvaporatedDwarf

Wow. This thread is becoming something out of 2001. I like it. Please keep the Ben love. I fucking hate the negativity "humor" as much as Ben does. Yet for some reason I stay. Sigh.

"Trumpy, you can do stupid things!"

Aug 29th (10 months ago)

Posted by: LoyalCow

People are bored so they rip on him, but everyone here still listens to his music. I'd agree his response was a bit bitchy, but who knows what he's going through. The point is the music has changed, for better or worse is different for different people. I like it, a lot actually, but people obviously still are nostalgic for Ben Folds Five, and rightfully so.

I am a Rock God

Aug 29th (10 months ago)

Posted by: Webb

Nostalgic for RTS and FOP even.

And I don't think everyone here still listens to BFF. I hardly ever do. I love the shit out of them but you know, there's so much great new music to be discovered.

you're so cute, i love it, haha. what is that little hat you've got on?
-Fronk

Aug 29th (10 months ago)

Posted by: +88 Kickin Keys

i listen to Reinhold every month or so still

go read your jack karat, and fear and loathing poop literature

Aug 29th (10 months ago)

Posted by: Bob Dylan

goddammit webb...dont you have some skateboarding to catch up on

hahahahhahahahahahahhahaha ahahaha ha ah haha ha ha LOL!!!!

But I Was Going to Toshi Station to Pick Up Some Power Converters!

Aug 29th (10 months ago)

Posted by: Webb

What's the problem man?!

you're so cute, i love it, haha. what is that little hat you've got on?
-Fronk